"I like you. Okay? It’s out there. I don’t have to spell it out anymore. I have this crazy sort of crush on you, and it’s taking up all of my time. I think that you’re beautiful and incredible and amazing. I blush and stammer each time you talk to me. I miss you on the weekends and my hands shake when I go to send you a text message. I have this feeling in the bottom of my stomach that we would be perfect for each other, if you only knew how I felt. Now you know. Now, let’s get the rejection over with. Break my heart, if that’s your intention."
and now i feel bad. :| I am really sorry if I hurt you. You can kill me now. I made a wrong decision and I know that. But as they say, if you love them, you must let go. Im sorry. :| I want you to be happy and im not the one who would give you true happiness because I am still holding on to something. Don't get me wrong. I will still be here for you. Okay? I would not ignore you. In the most sincere way, here I am saying, THANK YOU for everything and IM SORRY. Smile, you are handsome. You deserve someone better. :"> Okay? I will be your Sister coz I know you want one. I would love to have a brother in you as well. You are adorable. I will always be here, don't worry. :>
F*CK LOVE.
I don't wanna fall for this again. For the past few days, I've always thought that love is pure bullsht. I was never in this serious relationship ever and here he comes again, knocking at my door asking me for another chance to make things work? I dont wanna wait for 1 more year to see him and long for his voice over the phone. I dont want that kind of relationship. I wanna be SINGLE. I wanna do things my own way, where nobody controls me. I wanna be free. But im scared of being alone. I dont wanna encounter the feeling that I long for someone who cares and someone to be with me. The thing is, I never lost the feeling for him. I LOVE HIM. OH yes I do. AND I HATE IT. :| I dont wanna fall for something that would make me hope for nothing. I'm growing up, maturing. I see couples my age, so damn happy. Simple, not extravagant. BUT THEY'RE HAPPY just being TOGETHER. Oh that word: TOGETHER. It kills me. Being an only child, being alone would be a normal part of your life. I dont wanna be alone. I want someone to cling on, someone I could share my problems with and possibly create solutions for them. I have friends, bestfriends. They're awesome. they help me, they LOVE me. But there has always been a point that I long for a serious relationship. Maybe I detest the word LOVE because I never really experienced the TRUE LOVE THING that they say. Its going to be tough to get through this, but I have to make a choice. I asked for a sign, it did not come. After we ended everything before, he did not love anyone else. He still held on to having us back again someday. He believed in forever. Its funny how he recalls what I can't remember now. Recently we talked. I feel like he's still mine and i'm still his. So we talked, unaware of what we've been. It's awkward but I'll confess its actually worth staying up until midnight. I missed him. A lot. :| I know its wrong but somehow, I found HAPPINESS. I saw a smile on my face and I felt young, happy and LOVED. That night, I couldn't sleep. I had to make my decision. Right then I was certain, I still love him. But now, its not just the heart that matters. Its what I SHOULD DO. Something that I have to use my mind also, not just what I feel. Not just what gives me LIMITED happiness. Something that would make me smile for a while and after that, im unhappy again. I wanna feel REAL LOVE. Something my eyes see. Whatever im feeling right now, all Im certain of is, RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT, I was happy, and that made all the difference. No drama. ENOUGH.
OMG.
WHAT WAS THAT I JUST TALKED ABOUT? I wont entertain questions regarding this. I'll be alright. :>
Just a little 90210 episodes, and i'll be back to normal.
I will be happy. I know. SOON.
