NOSTALGIA♥

Thursday, October 21, 2010 { Thursday, October 21, 2010 }

Training is still and forever will be the most intense thing in the world. I dont like it when im forced to dance the same old thing over and over again. I dont like dancing a genre that I do not appreciate. I am sorry. :| I thought the whole pep thing was pure cheerleading and all. Oh well, who's versatile now. >:) I miss ballet so badly. I miss bar warm ups and center adagios. I miss having a hard time putting on those tights and looking really thin and curvey on those fancy leotards. I miss feeling the pain on my toes, I miss teacher perry. I miss the really clean studio and the huge mirrors. I miss classical music. I miss dancing MY genre.

oh lord help me have perfect straddles and tucks on air. I wanna jump up and down the trampoline again. I get so frustrated everytime I keep on doing the wrong thing. HEIGHT on air, ABSORB, RELOAD. Oh damn it, I feel so shy around my "ate's" who lift me and throw me up there. I wanna do my freakin best. Our team is HELLA COMPETITIVE YEAH. >:) Thanks ate Sol, Ate Gulma, Ate Fiona, Ate Zu for always being there to catch me when i fall, to carry me up there and to undersatand and forgive me for my mistakes. I love you. >:D< I promise to focus and think of the right ways to make that stunt perfect. AND YES, WE CAN DO IT. We are powerhouse. GIRL LIFTERS? HELLYEAZZ. Coz were cool like that. Lord, help us make perfect pyramids and awesome ones. NO INJURIES, NO PAIN, PURE HARDWORK AND POISE UP THERE. Please guide pep always. NO MORE SICK DAYS. I BELIEVE. LETS GO MC PEP, MC PRIDE.

I wanna post this from ate gulma's fb notes. (originally from tumblr)

Cheerleaders:

The happiest, sexiest, greatest group of athletes in the world.Will do anything just to take home that gold.We are the soul of the universe.We put on the shoes, tape up the wrists, put on the colours, and walk onto the mat like nothing else matters.It doesn’t matter that you failed a test, your guy/girl is being a ****, or that you got a ticket on the way there… your world is absolutely perfect for the next couple hours.

Here’s to the sweat, tears, strength, emotions, spandex, sports bras, broken bones, pulled muscles, bloomies, the parents, the friendships, the fights, hairspray, curling irons, ribbions, team colours, libs, fulls, scorps, doubes, tumbling, dancing, the yelling, the pressure, the stress, the excitement, the road trips, the coaches, the let downs, the miracles—and most of all, the sport of cheerleading.

Why do we practice so hard night after night?

Running a rountine over and over till we throw up.Putting a stunt up so many times your legs startto feel like jelly and you don’t think you can do it onemore time.Late nights, early mornings, weekend roadtrips, missing the parties,Broken bones, torn muscles and deep bruises.

We cheer through it. We smile through it.

Because we live off our adrenaline, because the competitions free our spirit, because the after parties are second to none, because each and every cheerleader is invincible after stepping onto the floor, because one good stunt can make you smile all night, landing those tucks, staying tight, pushing everything full out, and making facials while doing it. Running a 2.5 minute routine, pushing so hard, making it look easy, breathing hard, but loving every minute. Our music is a rhythm to live by, because its possible to dance hard enough to leave all your worries behind. Sweat is the perfume of our accomplishment.

Highschool, Allstar, College, University, Pro…

It’s not for money, it’s not for the weak, and it’s not for fame.

We cheer…

because we LOVE IT.

I believe it. I hope you do too.

{ Thursday, October 21, 2010 }

HI. first of all, YOU ARE SUCH A MEAN PERSON.
i THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND. I've been very supportive to you this sem, not only as a friend but as a sister who would be there for you no matter what. We've talked endlessly on the phone about random stuff and I was always there to listen to you. I have always understood your mind-boggling atttitude. I get hurt at times but I just let it pass. AND THATS BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FRIEND. I dont want to hate you but i guess ive had enough.

YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL ME TO GROW UP BECAUSE I AM OLDER THAN YOU. You may be mature, you may have vices but dude, that does not make you cool. You need real friends, and yes, I CAN BE ONE OF THEM. But you hurt my feelings. You made me feel like I am an immature kid wasting her time and life in a vast day care center. Sorry for being such a kid. YES, maybe I am stuck in my childhood but who cares, I enjoy my life anyway. At least people are true to me, they dont just let things pass.

" because the only reason she's picking on you is too boost her own self-esteem knowing that people around her seem to be fake because of the annoying personality she has. She likes to act tough but once you break her, she'll realize she was wrong." -someone.

YES, you were cool back in highschool. THIS IS COLLEGE, (that's what you told me.) you just have to accept that you are just an average kid right now.

"youre oversensitive. this is college. not a friggin day care center. grow a thick skin."

I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU WILL REGRET WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. >:)
OKAY OKAY BOSS. THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010 { Wednesday, October 20, 2010 }

tumblr has that effect on me :|

You know that feeling? When you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you're tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won't be. But you're still hoping. And you're still wishing. And you're still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You're fighting.

He broke up with you, right? After telling you he loved you and calling you pet names like baby and cutie? Yeah, I know he lavished you in compliments, only to put himself down so you would stroke his fake low ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful? I bet he promised you a personalized song. Or maybe he’d always mention how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged “I love you” out of you, didn’t he? Yeah, don’t deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night, but we both know he slept like a rock. He made you love pictures that were just sort of “bleh” before. Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart? Yeah, me too. All of your friends hate him now, don’t they? Remember how happy they were for you? They warned you. Just remember, it’s okay to cry. And referring to him as “asshole” is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you’ll end up talking about him just as often, if not more, than before the break up. There will be the “one time”s and the “I remember”s, and once you think you’re over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he’ll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain. Yeah, you’ll compare all guys to him, because aside from the man-whorish, heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you had ever wanted. Or maybe you made that up. Maybe, the second he started to show interest, you made up this perfect guy in your head, and he just happened to be just like him. Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon. Okay, so I didn’t believe it either, but I’m starting to.The most important thing though is don’t let him know he hurt you. Don’t let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Make him think you’re completely happy. When he decides to wave at you like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure. But don’t smile. Make him think he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him.

Saturday, October 16, 2010 { Saturday, October 16, 2010 }

"Buti pa ang mga unplanned night outs natutuloy." -IRISH

OCTOBER152010! I was rushing to school because I was late. NO one would bring me to school so I had to go alone. I guess I was still so sleepy that I rode the UP IKOT instead of UP Katipunan jeepney. DAMMIT. I was like, "BAKIT PAIKOT IKOT LANG ITO, HINDI LUMALABAS NG UP!"kay. WRONG JEEP. :| So as I entered the court, coach goes, LATE KA NG 4 MINUTES. (lahat ng dugo ko umakyat sa ulo ko) Double rounds of jogging, double number of situps, push ups and everything.) Looking on the bright side of it, THE MORE YOU TRAIN, THE HOTTER YOU GET. Right IRISH? :))

People cried, people smiled. GRADES GRADES GRADES, mas malupit ka pa sa halloween monsters kung manakot. So yeah, I called mom and started crying and saying sorry for I was not DL, Then mom said, Anak kung nalulungkot ka mag Katip ka na lang muna. YES COOL SI MOMMY. :) My pepmates were like, sana I had your mom. :)) But I did not go to katip, Irish and I planned to eat out in Eastwood and we brought BUBU along. We ate and ate and ate. PIGOUT. K.thanks. irish had awesome brothers. One of them, Kyle, really looked exactly like Irish but shorter hair. WHUTTTTT. :| I hope I had brothers, cute ones. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAIRA! :) So yeah, we werent really expecting to see my blockmates, but we did. :) Eventually, we had to take care of little AIKA who was tipsy and crazy that time. I was like, AIKA F KA SA MATH. and she goes, OH TALAGA? FUCK THAT. K. She's CRAZY.

Buan: aika suntukin mo yung puno.

(she started punching it)

Buan&&teen: KISS MO NGAAAAA

Aika: yoko nga ang panget nyan! =))))

K. :))))

happy Anniv Clem and Daughn. Sorry I couldnt come. Next time ;)

Teen: Aika single ako.

Aika: CONDOLENNNNNNCE! :))

FTW.

The hangout ended up in irish's condo. WHY DO THESE two make me laugh and fun EFFORTLESSLY? Thanks you too. :) It means a lot to me. Lezzzz do it again. :) Buan's tummy is a cute little thingamabob. All we needed to have fun was a pink room, irish's gayness, soft pillows, a dark ambiance and a full stomach. YEAH. I love you both. :*

{ Saturday, October 16, 2010 }

I ALMOST KILLED MY COMPUTER TO GET THIS SCREEN CAPT OF MY GRADES. :|
so yeah. FIRST SEM, i rocked you but not too much to get me into DL. :) Im done ranting and complaining, IM CONTENTED, OH YES :)

HOW DID I SEE MY GRADES?
October 15, 2010 12am, Stupid Soars WONT OPEN. I was sooo anxious to know that I refreshed a zillion tmes just to wait for it to appear. WELL IT DIDNT. I had to wait til tomorrow. So yeah. I WAS FOUR MINUTES late for training and right after stretching, I rushed to laptop of my pepmate and got to see my grades. I did not know what to feel. Of course for once, I was happy. (walang F eh.) Then I scrolled down, I saw my CQPA. 4.0250. WHY OH WHY. I just lacked 0.275 to get in the dean's list. I wanted to prove something to my mom. Of course after 4 years of being in maksci, she did not pay a big amount for my tuition fee. And now she has to pay at least 50K per semester. For a single mom, it is not that easy. I wanna prove to mom that I can show her that im not dumb, and that I can balance time for my studies and time for PEP. :"> I get sad when sometimes she tells me to quit just because I go home late all the time because of training. But I was so glad when she was there to cheer for me during the cheerdance compet of the freshmen. SHE WAS CHEERING MY NAME OUT LOUD. :"> Oh I love you mommmy. :) :D I hope she would never make me stop dancing and training for pep, it is a major thing that makes me wanna stay in MC for good. :)

History depressed me. That was my favorite subject since forever. I would not blame my prof because she is ONE HELLA GREAT PERSON. Its just that I expected this because I dont get to study for her exams since I get home at 9 or 10pm because of training. Sometimes I just forget that I have a quiz, it is my first subject. I AM FRUSTRATED. I should have done well. OH WELL. 3.5 aint bad. NOT AT ALL. :)

Psych. I DONT GET IT. I did not really enjoy it. TERMS are TERMS. TOO MUCH. The kind of science that I want is somewhere around BIOLOGY, CHEMISTRY.. like that. but psych. NOOOOO. :|

NSTP. I DONT KNOW HOW THE HELL SHE COMPUTED MY GRADE. WE ONLY HAD 1 EXAM AND AN EXPOSURE TRIP. I WAS ONE HELLA ACTIVE PERSON DURING THAT DAY, SHE JUST DIDNT KNOW. DADALHIN KO SYA SA DAANG TUBO PARA MALAMAN NYA KUNG GAANO AKO KA KIND HEARTED SA MGA TAO DUN AT SA FOSTER FAMILY KO DUN. >:( DAMN IT :| PINAGPUYATAN KO YUNG POWERPOINT NAMIN DOON. OKAY GALIT AKO. CHILL. :| :| :(

to sum it all up.. I AM CONTENTED.
SECOND SEM, PLEASE BE KIND TO ME. :)

0.275, FCKYOU.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010 { Wednesday, October 13, 2010 }

im your number one fan,
AUTUMN JANINA MARIE EBARLE CAZENAS. :">

\
Hi Autumn. :) I wish I had your voice but you know, I dont regret having my ugly voice because it is the same voice that I used when I first talked to you. AND THAT MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE ♥ Im so proud of you as a friend and IM FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR VOICE :") Thanks for dedicating the song BREAKEVEN to me, (its was surely my 1 month LSS) GOSH! :) I am so happy that I did not just survive my first sem with you, but we remained PH forever. :"> :) Even if we dont go DL, its fine. I surely enjoyed my first sem and you are a big part of it. :) Thank you so much. I am praying everyday that we still remain blockmates so we can still be PH. :) >:D< You are one of the most influential people in my life and I adore you for always standing for what you want and always remembering that GOD loves US. :"> :) You are my inspiration. I know I always get that PISSED-AT-EVERYONE syndrome and I shout at you a lot, IM SO SORRY, i hope you understand. Autumn, I do not regret promoting you and telling the people to vote for you rather than to vote for me for class rep, YOU SURELY DID A GOOD JOB. :"> i am so proud of you. RADIO MC was what we wanted but maybe GLEE CLUB IS BETTER FOR YOU. I wanna see you showcase your talent. I wanna support you the way you support me. :"> :) FOR REAL, so please CONSIDER THIS. :"> Im sure KC will be there to guide you. :) :) I love you. :)

I AM HOPING FOR MORE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL SEMESTERS WITH YOU.
YOU MAKE ME HAPPY. :">

I love you and lastly, I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN ♥

{ Wednesday, October 13, 2010 }

After 5 PEP TRAINING-LESS days, here we go again.
What a WELCOME BACK GIFT of 15 rounds of jogging around the field, 100 situps, 100 v-ups, 100 push-ups, 60-second handstands, handstand walks, 5 minute SPLIT on both sides, l-kicks, elbow kicks, brige stays, and THE KILLER: MINUTES OF STRADDLE OVERS. :| :( and many many more. DEFINE HELL :|

I felt sad for my pepmates who just recently got their BELLYRINGS (wow i want one but i have a really strict mom and besides i wont be able to handle the pain so NEVERMIND) because we had banana swings and their navels were squished like lemons for a glass of lemonade. :| DAMN IT. :| Coach mad eus do it for so many times like a hundred or more. I always count one to one hundred during training. I REALIZED, JUST NOW. TEEHEE :))

There are so many UNFINISHED dances, its getting hard to memorize the steps. Anyway, no pressure at all. Its just that my enemy is the tiring MOMENTS, THE UNBEARABLE PAIN and the never ending SWEAT DROPS. :( and not even an HOUR break, just 45 mins or sometimes LESS. :|

Sometimes I just ask myself.. WHY AM I STILL DOING THIS? When I can say.. I QUIT I QUIT. NO. QUITTING WILL NOT DO ANYTHING GOOD TO ME. Will I just throw away the numerous hours of PAIN for time to rest? My friends support me and im doing this not only for my squad, not only for my school, not only for mom and my friends but for myself. TO FILL IN MY NEEDS OF DANCING BECAUSE THIS KEEPS ME ALIVE. DANCING IS A PART OF MY SYSTEM, YOU CANNOT TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME. :"> THIS IS WHAT I DID IN EXCHANGE OF BALLET. and I will make it worth it.

I miss my lifters. I miss being able to fly, toss and everything. Everytime our flyers would show fear, I would say to myself, I would just straighten my legs if I were them. I miss flying and smiling. I hope ate sol and ate zooey trains again.

CONCERT IS FAST APPROACHING. :)
Im excited to see TEACHER PETER ONCE AGAIN. YIPPEEEE :">

Monday, October 11, 2010 { Monday, October 11, 2010 }

YAY FOR A NEW LAYOUT. \:D/
I do not normally do these things and I know my BIFFF maan FURIO will be so PROUD OF ME.
\:D/ I MISS THAT KID. :| A LOT. we've both been busy and I HAVENT SEEN HER IN MONTHS. :(
PLEASE SHOW UP ON OUR CONCERT BIFF.
I love you. (KAY I KNOW YOU'LL SAY CHEEZBALLS)
YOU ARE NOT DOING BITCHY STUFF I SWEAR.
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. FALL IN LOVE, DONT STOP IT
FROM HAPPENING. I wish you well.

I MISS YOUR SILENT LAUGH.
FREAK. ♥

Sunday, October 10, 2010 { Sunday, October 10, 2010 }

MONDAY TO SATURDAY 10-5PM TRAINING. why oh why? :(

Certainly, there are times that I really really wanna quit at that very moment. I dont know what to say. Its like isolating myself from the crowd. NO SOCIAL LIFE. I dont know what to do. I have PLANNED sleepovers. MY HOLY IMPORTANT MOST-LOVED friends would kill me if I cancel it. I waited for this SEMBREAK to COME for 4 FREAKIN months and then THIS IS WHAT I GET? :( I know the squad wants it to be perfect, WHY NOT RIGHT? But please, I miss my friends. I miss FREEDOM. Hello SWEAT, MUSCLE PAIN, TIRING JOGS and ENDLESS v-UPS. take me to hell. :(

I am depressed. I dont know what to do. DANCING IS MY PASSION. THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR.

I left ballet for CHEERLEADING. Ive broken my mom's dream, MY DREAM, my teacher SINCE I WAS A LITTLE kid, and my BALLET FRIENDS. Im gonna make this worth it. QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION.

coach. Kahit maayos na weekend lang po. Salamat.

and to my friends, sorry in advance. I PROMISE TO MAKE THE CONCERT WORTH THE WAIT. THE SQUAD WILL. WE WILL. I love you.

PEP. & COACH, SORRY FOR BEING PESSIMISTIC AT TIMES. i BELIEVE IN US. :">

{ Sunday, October 10, 2010 }

"HER LIPS, HER LIPS, I COULD KISS THEM ALL DAY IF SHE'D LET ME. :">" -Just the way you are.

I love that song, it gos me sooo LSS. :"> :) I wish my camera still worked coz I really need to capture the best moments. lalala. I spent my Friday with Autumn and Marga! We had this movie marathon thing plus extra chitchat and pigout moments. We had pancakes topped with DOUBLE DUTCH ICE CREAM for the win. OMNOMNOM. We watched MAKE IT HAPPEN and our favorite, THE BACK UP PLAN. Marga CRIED, as she always does. Thanks to them, I got rid of my BV's because of the people who DO NOT INVITE. >:( Right Autumn?

"I will never forget the moments I spent with the people I will never forget." Marga wrote this in my planner. I love it. :> It was their 50th monthsary. That is like 4 years and 2 months. DEFINE TRUE LOVE? :"> Define FOREVER? Marga and Joey. I am soooo happy for them. :"> :) Marga stayed til 11pm just chatting with my mom about relationships, me being single and so many things. Marga told me to go with her the next day to support Joey's event. And SO I DID. :">

FlashForward was an art exhibit and it was awesome! IT WOULD BE UNFORGETTABLE. :"> Hello Patootie. :D LALALA. :">

Thursday, October 7, 2010 { Thursday, October 07, 2010 }

EDI KAYO NA ANG NAGSLEEPOVER. BV KAYOO. =))))) kbye yun lang.

I guess im not gonna be a big bum today since Autumn and Marga are coming over to parteyyyy! I can wait. I wanna super thank the both of them for understanding na I have training the whole sembreak. :"> Sweet.

Anyways, Im so glad I was able to talk to one of my highschool friends (a very close friend of mine) last night. I just buzzed him and asked him. Suddenly it turned out to be a very long conversation already til he told me, AMININ MO NAKAKAMISS MAGKAROON NG KACLOSE AT KAUSAP NA LALAKI. Fine, Fine. He is right. I miss laughing everytime they would bully me, the times I draw for them just to finish their homeworks, the math and org chem tutorials and just simply talking to them. No malice, pure fun. I just miss the moments. I wish I had more time to hang out with them, not just the guys, but my batchmates. I MISS. I MISS.

So yesterday wass UH OH. Someone came over to see me UNEXPECTEDLY. Okay.

{ Thursday, October 07, 2010 }

CHEERS FOR NO CLASSES AND NO TRAINING DAY. \:D/

It is technically the first sembreak of my college life. Well I know I wouldn't exactly have because of the training for our upcoming concert but at least I have a week to enjoy the BUM life. It's MC's finals week today. I was expecting this to be a HELL WEEK for me but it went the other way around since I only took the finals exam for Filipino and that's it. Some of the other subjects had projects for finals, some subjects I got exempted, some just cancelled the exam. I was like, K.

And so this is college: so much easier than what I had back in my high school years. Though I still cram my homeworks, I dont really cram to the last minute like I used too. I miss the simple life in MakSci. I miss Makati. I miss everything about it.

Training gets tiring. Sometimes I just wanna quit because it doesn't always feel good. Frustration comes along everytime I dont do things the way they expect me to. The moments wherein I feel like a total loser when I cannot do a certain stunt makes me wanna just quit. :( I dont know. I like the fact that im a part of the squad. I am a varsity of my school. I like dancing in events, showcasing my talents. I like it when people say, Yan si Christine, pep yan. Its like a cherry on top of an ice cream. The whole idea of being part of it makes me seem a little more different from others. I am a cheerleader but sometimes the idea of not having time to enjoy the company of my other friends is just too much sacrifice. Like last friday when I was not able to watch my bestfriend's gig at Eastwood. THAT ONLY HAPPENS ONCE IN A BLUE MOON AND I WAS NOT THERE COZ I HAD TRAINING. When I decline to people's invite's they instantly say, "training, LAGI NAMAN E." I am not mad at anyone. I am not blaming anyone as well. I entered this without thinking of its consequences beacause dancing is something I look for. Its what my body asks for when I get bored. Play a little music and you'll see me dancing like no one is watching.

They still dont know what else I can do. I wanna be able to write again. In a school paper just like how I did in my old school. Im planning to apply for Chi Rho, the school paper of MC. I also wanna run for council or CDEC. I wanna do so many things, like I used to. Why do I feel like Pep is EATING all of my time? I am frustrated. I dont know. But there's one thing on my mind. There's no turning back. Im gonna be the Christine that I used to be. I assure that. Just give me a little more time. :)

lalala. I miss my happy place. :(