i desperately want to remove these vibes off right now.

IM NOT GIVING UP ON YOU.

I'll give you space if you wish, if that's the only way we can bring it back to how we were before. When you were at your sweetest, when you can't even exit my my home's gate coz you'll miss me a lot. When we spend almost above 12 hours together each day doing crazy things together. When we had the time without restrictions. And maybe I am not the only one who has changed. Maybe this time I will learn how to say how I really feel without the fear of you leaving me. We need each other and we know that, I understand you. I always try to. I know what youre going through and that is why I cant demand you of your time. I know youre working on it, I know youre trying. Trust me, I know. I just miss you a lot. Thats it. I miss the old us. When I would kiss you and you wont move your head away. When you would really care so much. Why. Why. What happened. :| Lets bring it back. 

I HAVE JUST SURVIVED MY FIRST DAY. I woke up with a really sad perception regarding how i would handle this particular situation I cannot manage to be in. I do not plan to write about it but still I have a lot of  thinking to do. What has changed since the past few days when I actually thought I was at my happiest. When it became him and I, I was grateful and I thought I could not be happier but on the downside of it, have I forgotten to breathe a little air and know how other felt when I was really in utter joy? I dont know what is happening. I dont know how to fight. All I know is to accept whats happening and overthink about the possibilities of its aftershock on me. I dont know where to start. I will bring the old me back. I will not try, I will do it. 

On the brighter side, I still got my best bud on my side the whole day without the akwardness on my part.. fine a little awkwardness but I hope to get it over with. I got a little confused regarding my first subject because it was about the research paper when my course is a non-thesis course. REALLY /:( She even waited for the bell to ring before she let us out after 45 minutes of total silence. Whatthehell. She was a new teacher and that explains everything.

I had lunch with the Jophie and Marga at Cafe Azul @ Moro Lorenzo Ateneo. Roast Beef was damn good and a little chat with the best people made it a lot better. The rain just made a little puddle inside my new shoes. Why oh why. Oh yeah. The air broke my umbrella FML.

I have a really great teacher in one of my majors, she's hot and she's a mother. Knowing that she graduated from the same course of the same school im in brightened up my day. I like the way she handled the class and I love her classroom. Ms. Morillo who was my teacher before got a little pissed that Marga and I were late for her class. Stupid vendo machine made us wait for a drink which had no taste and a cup filled with 10% juice and 90% nothing. -_-

Went home with Marga safe and sound through a cab. Rain STOP. Please STOP. 

Wore my varsity jacket today. Made me miss the PEP days. This is sad.

It was a really tiring day but it was just as fun as I imagined it. I spent the day with my co-CDEC officers and all of them were of higher batches, what a privilege! Watch out CDE, we're preparing literally A LOT for you guys, hoping for an overnight TBS! UHUH.

Pat and I did their letter of section transfer request and had to put a lot of talkshit in it. Still, his feet are swollen. I hope he gets well really soon and may he be able to enroll before he goes to BORACAY

I am too afraid to talk to you, to call you nor even send you a message but this is a proof that I have greeted you and it is here because of my utmost sincerity of greeting you so,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Have a good one, wherever you are, how ever you may be, I hope you're happy. Don't worry about me, im fine. I hope I get the chance to be able to share how great my life is and how mom brought me up in the best way she could. Have a great life, I am always praying for you.

Im wishing you all the best, take care and enjoy your special day. :D

The day before my school officially starts is the day i still serve for my org. What, is this being a nerd or something? For the past few days, i've been spending the last day of my summer vacation going to school and having this meeting with my co-officers and now im about to leave for an ocular for our upcoming team building seminar. School has not yet started and im getting this busy OHMYGOD. It cant be. I have to update this blog, my planner and have so much time for my boyfriend. OH YES. So help me God.

This 2 day updated blog was supposed to be a surprise. WHY DID YOU READ THIS PATRICK LUZ? I tried my best to hide it from you. Haha. I love you forever. <3

THIS IS FOR THE PEOPLE WHO JUST LOST SOMEBODY.

NYAHAHA KIDDING. Okay fine. I've decided to write about heartaches.

C'mon guys, seriously? Are you really gonna open this thing up again?

I dont even know why im writing about this. Anyway, I have two friends, they're a couple.They are both close to me but I may consider the guy closer in some way. I do not wanna talk about it. For a really long time they were together like a normal couple, they were crazy about each other. They had different personalities, the guy was really sweet (trust me I know) he was funny, artistic in his own ways. He can be the friendliest guy you could ever meet but sometimes the one with the craziest ideas on his head. The girl was of course very pretty, she was loved by many not because she was the glam and gorgeous type, but she was they girl who would wear a shirt and end it with sneaks, boyish in some way, this rockstar was smart and really mysterious inside and out. Honestly at first, I must admit, I was not a fan of their relationship since my bestfriend was the (OKAY I SAID I DDNT WANNA TALK ABOUT THE PAST) anyway, I didn't know whether to support them or not. The guy was really close to me, he would tell me his heartaches, or his small efforts that made his girl the happiest. She had a strict mom but that did not hinder the guy from exerting too much effort to make her feel loved. They loved each other from the end of our high school to the start of our college experience. I do not know whether it was time or distance that kept them apart, I dont know whatever happened. I do not intend to know. But what's making me sad is that they are both longing for someone to hold on to after a strange breakup. The girl longed for someone to love to forget, and the guy could have literally killed himself after what happened. The guy always text me that he was miserable, he cries, he misses her so much but he was depressed enough not to prove himself anymore because whatever it is, they thought its just not gonna work anymore.

Why did i write about this?

Letting go and moving on is not easy. Damn right it would take you months to forget and a lot of tears to regret. Looking for someone is not worth it, its like pouring out all the pain, trying to be happy, yet hurting the new person because you cannot admit that you might still miss him or worst case scenario, confused and want to have him back but youre eating all your pride coz you cannot have him back anymore. ON the other hand, you should not stick yourself to the idea that youre heartbroken as if the whole world is on your shoulder.. Stand up, move on. Be busy with whatever and start living the life, hey, if you find the right guy, its never easy to experience the joy of being happily single ever again! Lets be positive about this, maybe God knows and God had the plans. For my case, I believe that I was not given the right guy when I was concentrating on fighting against peer pressure and the pep squad asdfghjkl;, what brought me there? My like for a girl who had so much talent. What made me quit? CONTENTMENT of having someone to spend all my extra time with and having other priorities.

Lets all be happy with how things are right now. Lets not look for the people. ACCIDENTS come and go, who knows.. tomorrow, the next day or even yesterday.. you have met the right guy already. <3

I really hope both of my friends live the life they always wanted, if they want a new relationship, may they be patient enough, if they wanna get back together, may they find the right time. Coz who knows, Fate will always be there and LOVE will always find a way. If its MEANT TO BE, ITS GONNA HAPPEN.

XOXO.

My brain's randomness.

I was once in that situation. When I felt like the whole world hated me and im stuck in front of the computer, waiting for Patrick to tell me that he friggin likes me back. Its like im going gaga over him chatting with him until what.. 4 or sometimes 7am in the morning. Well it was cool talking to him but the feeling when he didn't get it, that I already liked him really sucked so friggin bad. -_-

BUT BUT BUT. It didn't end there. Just when I was about to give up, he was there to like me back. Who knows destiny. We just had to meet each other by fate in long and strange road of the drunkards: Katipunan in the afternoon of December 8. Fate brought me there. Just when I was about to really go crazy towards a girl. Yes a girl. I would always post in my tumblr account: LETS ALL MOVE ON AND BE FCCKING BISEXUALS. Nuh uh. Never. Waiting is hard, but the sudden emotional closure from someone whom you actually thought you never had a chance with is... (i cant think of a word) for me its magical. FATE brought us there.

Dont think of it too much. Dont dress pretty nor put make up or start being NOT YOUR TRUE self. Start being amazing and flaunting what your momma gave you. YOUR BEAUTY AND YOUR BRAINS. Whatever it is, Dont ponder on that thought and look for the Patrick of your life. Maybe you'll meet him in the strangest places, on the unexpected times. Like I did, I met him at this art exhibit.. at the evening of.. guess what, HIS 18th Birthday. How cool can that be.

Im here for you FIFIFOFRUNGNGI. (okay that was random)

Lezz have lunch at Katip anytime. HAVRIYOU